So for the record, this mom thing, its freaking hard. I feel like I am constantly fighting some or other battle with or for my children. I know when you have four children it seems remiss not to expect it. Still I am hoping and crossing fingers and toes for some normal average times.
Neither Haedyn or Mycaela got great reports for their first terms. I did not expect them to either. I tried a new approach with them this term, the idea that they alone are responsible for their studies and resulting marks. Clearly not a method I am willing to test any further. My children apparently (and I knew this deep down) need policing. Now I am naturally academic, I never battled with school and still learn things fairly quickly so helping two people who often just don’t get it tests my patience and maternal ability to its very limit. They are both now attending extra lessons and having their homework closely checked to see if micro-managing their school work boosts their performance.
Blake is going through a very difficult phase right now, testing boundaries and refusing, snot-crying, full-melt-down tantrums and declarations of hatred for us, refusing to eat vegetables. This presents a challenge as maybe one in every fifteen meals I prepare does not have any vegetables. Oddly enough he loves salad and does not for a moment believe that salad is a vegetable. He seems to have become very bossy and sometimes ugly with Kyra. This is not okay in our house so presently Blake can be seen apologising to a sibling or pet at least five times on an average day and spends a fair amount of time in time out. I keep reminding myself it is just a phase and I recall clearly the older two going through similar phases. It is still somewhat frustrating to be told you are the worst mommy in the world because brocolli.
Strangely enough, Kyra, the two year old, who should be a nightmare is my easiest and most pleasant child. She is always smiling, always happy. She eats well and sleeps well (even if it is in our bed most nights). She is always dirty because she loves to be outside in the dirt and mess and frankly that’s okay with me.
I am also on a mission now to get rid of the extra weight that the last twelve years and four babies have added to my body. I have made adjustments to my eating plan and am joining a new gym. Let me just say that people underestimate the psychology behind the process. I still battle with convincing myself I am worth the effort and that I deserve to be healthy. It is very much a process and I am working on it a little bit at a time. I am also very aware of my hormonal issues and am eating to fix these things without resorting to drugs. It did not take me a month to get here so I know it will be a long journey to health but I am taking those first steps now.
I am doing my very best to focus on D and the kids this year. To do my job well and make money so we can better our lives and to be more present to those who matter and need me most. I know I have not been a great friend but would sincerely like to change that. I need to make time to connect with people more. The right people. Family from this point forward is the six of us, our nuclear unit. Everyone else matters in various ways at various levels. Suffice to say D’s family no longer feature at all. Sad but true. No room for people who try to bring us down.
Things have been super crazy for the longest time but with a little of the right effort and a lot of determination I know this year is going to be the best yet.